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Using Empathetic Listening to Collaborate

September 29, 2014

 

 

(http://www.fastcompany.com/1727872/using-empathic-listening-collaborate)

 

  • In The Prosperous Leader (chapter 17)  we discuss that typically people seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak.

  • We're filled with our own lightness, our own autobiography. We want to be understood. Our conversations become collective monologues, and we never really understand what's going on inside another human being.

  •  

  • When another person speaks, we're usually "listening" at one of four levels.

    •  

       

      We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all.
    • We may practice pretending.

    • We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the conversation.

    • Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said.

    •  

  • very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening.

  • I mean listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand.

  •  

  • Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment. And it is sometimes the more appropriate emotion and response. But people often feed on sympathy. It makes them dependent. The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it's that you fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually.

  •  

  • Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with.

  •  

  •  

     

Using Empathetic Listening to Collaborate

http://www.fastcompany.com/1727872/using-empathic-listening-collaborate

 

  • In The Prosperous Leader (chapter 17)  we discuss that typically people seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak.

  • We're filled with our own lightness, our own autobiography. We want to be understood. Our conversations become collective monologues, and we never really understand what's going on inside another human being.

  • When another person speaks, we're usually "listening" at one of four levels.

    • We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all.

    • We may practice pretending.

    • We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the conversation.

    • Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said.

  • very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening.

  • I mean listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand.

  • Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment. And it is sometimes the more appropriate emotion and response. But people often feed on sympathy. It makes them dependent. The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it's that you fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually.

  • Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with.

  • Empathic listening is, in and of itself, a tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account. It's deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person psychological air.

 

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